27 March, 2005
Mohamed's essay
Dear ...........,
I would like to draw your attention TO some problems WHICH MEAN THAT, UNFORTUNATELY I will not be able to start my new job with you as A TV script writer and presenter.
I have just recieved (SPELLING)your letter in which you have told me that I should be in Abu Dhabi in three days to start working on 30th March. But, REGRETABLY, I have not settled my situation here in Egypt yet.
As you know, I still work for Al-Ahram newspaper. However, I have resigned (WRONG TENSE)last week but our chief-in-editor has not approved my resignation as he is in (WRONG PREP) a business trip in the UK and he will be back in ten days. Furthermore, I have not issued (ACTIVE OR PASSIVE?)some required documents from 'The Administration of Immigration and Passports'. Hopefully, these documents will be ready by next week.
Therefor (SPELLING), I think I can start my new job after (ARABIC ENGLISH)15 days. I hope you accept my excuses (WORD CHOICE). I promise to do my best to solve all these problems at the time mentioned above.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Mohamed Saeed
4.18PM Tony
I'm not sure this is the best way.I'll try to post this feedback.
Hey posting is much better, now that my new PC is working!!!
I'd probably give this a band 6.0
What do others think?
COMMENTS / CORRECTIONS please!
I would like to draw your attention TO some problems WHICH MEAN THAT, UNFORTUNATELY I will not be able to start my new job with you as A TV script writer and presenter.
I have just recieved (SPELLING)your letter in which you have told me that I should be in Abu Dhabi in three days to start working on 30th March. But, REGRETABLY, I have not settled my situation here in Egypt yet.
As you know, I still work for Al-Ahram newspaper. However, I have resigned (WRONG TENSE)last week but our chief-in-editor has not approved my resignation as he is in (WRONG PREP) a business trip in the UK and he will be back in ten days. Furthermore, I have not issued (ACTIVE OR PASSIVE?)some required documents from 'The Administration of Immigration and Passports'. Hopefully, these documents will be ready by next week.
Therefor (SPELLING), I think I can start my new job after (ARABIC ENGLISH)15 days. I hope you accept my excuses (WORD CHOICE). I promise to do my best to solve all these problems at the time mentioned above.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Mohamed Saeed
4.18PM Tony
I'm not sure this is the best way.I'll try to post this feedback.
Hey posting is much better, now that my new PC is working!!!
I'd probably give this a band 6.0
What do others think?
COMMENTS / CORRECTIONS please!
Comments:
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Hi Mohammed!
I agree with corrections 1 -3.
Number 4 still needs work - keep it PASSIVE (tip!)
Number 6 "in 15 days' time" was what I was looking for.
Number 7 - "spot on"!!
I 'corrected' your letter in a hurry and maybe missed a few points - such as start the letter with Dear + NAME or
Dear Sir / Madam
OK?
CU all in an hour's time.
BFN
Tony
6.22pm
Post a Comment
I agree with corrections 1 -3.
Number 4 still needs work - keep it PASSIVE (tip!)
Number 6 "in 15 days' time" was what I was looking for.
Number 7 - "spot on"!!
I 'corrected' your letter in a hurry and maybe missed a few points - such as start the letter with Dear + NAME or
Dear Sir / Madam
OK?
CU all in an hour's time.
BFN
Tony
6.22pm
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